Okay. There have been some updates to my journey. In some ways, it doesn’t seem to amount to a lot, but each little step is part of it, and I decided it was worth sharing. The latest development is that I am deciding to continue working at the clinic. Over the last few weeks, I had been having thoughts that I would be ready to exit and make room for something new. I was feeling that the job was taking so much from me despite the modest commitment of only 15 hours a week. I thought of it in spiritual terms, and how perhaps my soul was ready for a leap of faith into a new path that would have better alignment.

And honestly, because I was considering this route, all sorts of old baggage that had previously been shelved and forgotten came roaring back in a way that zapped my energy and sent my emotional body and thinking into the gutter. How overwhelming it feels to walk away from the livelihood where I had invested so many years and educational dollars? The unsolved question of how I would make my mortgage payments once the clinic paychecks stopped? The shedding of a professional identity that may not be my primary form, but it is a significant one, and it would be missed.

So I’m not doing it. Not yet. I don’t think the path is for me to intentionally overwhelm myself. I checked it out, and I need to unpack several issues and heal towards a more stable foundation for when I take on that life-shifting transition. And that feels clear and good and easy.

And while work has been challenging, and exhausting and overwhelming, I can re-frame how there is still a lot for me to learn and experience there rather than just feeling pummeled and abused. I don’t know how long that will continue to be true, but it is for right now.