Hello again. It feels like this blog is being reborn (again), and it may be unclear at first where I am going with this. At this time, I have been feeling a lot of challenge with continuing to work at the community health center clinic. They approved my religious exemption to receiving the COVID-19 vaccines, which is a topic I may share more about on a future post.

I have been revisiting the idea of leaving the clinic anyways. Mostly, it feels like an energy drain for me, on account of how the work feels out of alignment with my values. I have maybe denied that, or justified that for too long, and maybe it is past time, and that is what I am feeling. I’m feeling that as exhaustion: an inability to focus, especially on reading or organizing the house or my room. But when I’m looking at my paystubs, and imagining how I would find clients and complete all the steps of starting the business that replaces the dollars of my income as an entrepreneur, the vision quickly dissolves into a seeming fantasy.

I do earn a comfortable living working 3 days a week in the system. It was enough to qualify for a mortgage on a new home that I now live in with 4 housemates. And it was enough to travel to Hawaii on two occasions for a dance festival, and to North Carolina for an important community gathering.

So for now, a real confession is that I have been exhausted, and that I need to clean up my self-care routines and boundaries first. When I have more room and energy, I plan to share more thoughts on the unfolding current events and about my own journey. There is more to come, to be sure!

Peter McCullough seems to be one of the foremost experts who comes from the medical system who is speaking out against the vaccine program. This most recent presentation he gave to the AAPS conference is especially good.

https://t.co/1R4B5cZL3l?amp=1

Meryl Nass is one of my favorite physician analysts of the pandemic. She blogs regularly, and this one from yesterday was a good one.

https://anthraxvaccine.blogspot.com/2021/10/the-employees-are-disappearing-and.html

In a normal world, I might post these links to my Facebook account. I have also continued to think about sharing with Facebook that I have not, and am not planning to receive the vaccine myself. So far, I keep pulling back. My profile is connected with many doctors I have met in medical school, residency, and at conferences since then. I feel pulled to represent my view, especially now as so many who are in the system and hesitant feel isolated or siloed and don’t know where to find like-minded community. Especially when it’s coming down to leaving jobs over the issue.

And then, I notice that my schedule is completely full. I was exhausted yesterday, and I don’t have the capacity right now to have conversations with the people my post might draw in. I also don’t have the spare energy to be attacked or defend myself from a possible mob. Maybe at some later point. I am speaking up more and more in the real world, and I see that trajectory continuing. We’ll see.

Facebook, Messenger and Instagram are down. Twitter, Voxer, Signal, Gmail and Telegram seem to still be working. It seems like a good time to think about communication networks and preparedness if this disruption isn’t easily resolved. My impression is that there is some “routing” malfunction in the coding that makes the website unusable. And also that Facebook employees are not able access company buildings with their badges. Is it a hacker attack, accidental, or something else? I don’t know, but I found this analysis on Twitter which seemed helpful to me. For now, I am glad I have this page and those other still-functioning apps to communicate. Breathe, and be well y’all.

https://krebsonsecurity.com/2021/10/what-happened-to-facebook-instagram-whatsapp/

This blog has had more visitors in the last 2 weeks than ever before. I have been busy promoting my Mind-Body Skills Group and I was successful in finding 10 participants! I would at some point like to create an “above ground” website with my name and services listed on it, but this blog will continue to serve as a kind of middle ground point for now. I also would like to start offering one-on-one services soon, and I believe I will refer to these services as “Subtle Medicine”. I intend to come back and write more on this topic, but it could be weeks or months before I get to it.

I have been finding a lot of resonance when I speak up in the “real world” lately, and that feels good and promising. I often get asked about this or that study, or inquires for a specific piece of evidence. This article has come to my attention that seems to have collected many such resources in one spot. Maybe worth bookmarking for future reference.

Yesterday I considered fully stepping out into the social media world as an unvaccinated doctor, but am still pausing until the moment feels right. I came up with a few statements that I probably will share here before there.

Here’s the link I mentioned above. Have a great weekend!

https://off-guardian.org/2021/09/22/30-facts-you-need-to-know-your-covid-cribsheet/

If you would like to contribute any amount to The Good Life Clinic, you can use this link. Donations are used to help make group participation affordable for those with limited financial resources. At this time, donations are not tax-deductible.

https://checkout.square.site/merchant/MLJ9F5HS10K1Y/checkout/EYQO4K2DMKOZY4Q2DJDLSKM3

This is an invitation to a recurring weekly meeting. There is an event page on Facebook managed by my business page “The Good Life Clinic”, but I am also sharing the details here, especially for those who do not use social media to have access to the event description and Zoom link.

I am holding a space on Sunday nights from 7-9pm CT for human beings who care about other human beings to gather and share what is on our hearts and minds. The intention is for individuals to feel safe in sharing diverse views, and for listening and understanding each other better, especially where there is disagreement.

How can we discuss divisive issues in a way that is fundamentally respectful of human dignity, especially where there is a difference of opinion? This is an exploration, and you are welcome to join us.

As the host, I will give each participant the opportunity to introduce themselves in a 1st go-around, and then each person will have the chance to share their views uninterrupted in a 2nd round for a specified amount of time depending on the size of the group. Then, it will be open for back and forth discussion. Please arrive on time for the introductions. I will won’t admit anyone 10 minutes after the start time so that all participants will have heard the introductions before we move into the main topic. RSVP appreciated, but not required.

Each conversation has been unique, and much depends upon who shows up to participate. Hope you can join us!

Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89061308058

You are invited!

Hello, I am preparing to lead a weekly mind-body skills group on Monday mornings from 9:30-11:30am (CT) on Zoom. This will be the 3rd cycle of groups I have led. The first meeting will be 10/4/21, and we will decide together in November if we would like to wrap up at 8 weeks to end on 11/22/21, or if we would like to continue for up to 12 weeks total ending on 12/20/21. Please contact me if you would like to be one of the 8-10 participants. I completed training to facilitate these groups from the Center for Mind-Body Medicine, and more information is available on their website:

https://cmbm.org/onlinegroup/

What To Expect During Group Visits

We will meet on Zoom in a virtual sacred circle. Please be in a private location where you can bring your full attention for our two-hour sessions. We will start with a simple relaxing breathing technique, and go over guidelines for our time together. There will be time for introductions, and “check-ins” for every group. Anything shared will be confidential.

Each week, we will learn one technique of self-exploration, and then share about our experience with the group. You may have exceptionally powerful reactions with certain techniques, and find difficulty with others. This is okay. We welcome you to share your experiences.

The group will end on time, and we will close with a gentle relaxation technique. In between sessions, you are encouraged to practice techniques learned during the sessions to see how they impact your life.

During our time together, you may experience a range of emotions, both when you are sharing and when you are witnessing others. These emotional experiences are welcomed and honored.

As your guide, my role is to manage time, lead activities, and support you in your experience. I am not serving as therapist or doctor for anyone in the group. Instead we are learning to come to our own insights, to become our own healer. As a facilitator, I will also participate in the exercises and share my experiences.               

Community Healing                       

Humans are social creatures, and when we are isolated, our health suffers. If we are with family, coworkers, or friends, but don’t feel fully seen or heard, our health still suffers. These groups tap into the traditional wisdom practiced in many cultures—a talking circle. One person speaks at a time, and others have the opportunity to practice compassionate listening. When we talk about our lives, the good parts and the hard parts, and feel heard, a natural healing process is initiated. What has been stuck can shift.

Price, Commitment

One reason I am choosing to take on this work now is to begin to financially support myself independently from the medical system. You can choose the price point that feels appropriate for you, and no one will be turned away because of inability to pay. Suggested contribution is $200-$300 for 8 weekly sessions. It is important to commit to attending all sessions because spaces are limited. 

Group Feedback                   

Often it is helpful to read what others have felt in Mind-Body Medicine Groups so you can anticipate your own depth of experience.                   

What was it like to be part of the group?                   

The group was a beacon of light. Having a place to fully release what’s real and happening in my life without a filter has been supportive and inspiring. On top of that, being able to hold solace for others to share themselves and their lives has also been healing and hopeful.                   

How did this group benefit you?               

The group was beneficial on many levels. I learned many skills that I’ll take with me to assist in stress management, well being, creative endeavors and mindfulness activities to support a deeper understanding of myself.                   

Would you recommend this group to others?               

Absolutely! I have already been telling friends about my wonderful experiences!                   

Are there any areas that could be improved?               

The format was setup well and it moved fluidly from place to place within each session. You were an excellent and authentic facilitator! I’m so glad that you are providing this service to the world, it’s inhabitants need more of these groups!!                               

What was your favorite activity or session?               

Many of the activities were swell and I enjoyed most of them. A few that really stood out were: the shaking for release, the genogram was wonderful in allowing me to see my family in a more organized manner and shined a brighter light on how my family has played a role in shaping who I have become. Finally, my favorite activity was shares at the beginning of each session. The shares lead to a sense of comfort and support that grew and grew throughout the sessions.                   

Thanks again! Excited for the last few sessions with everyone!

Final thoughts

I am excited to lead these groups and I hope you can join us. Please contact me with questions or to reserve your spot. I would like to speak with each confirmed participant on the phone before the 1st session.

Two whistleblowing videos worth watching. The first one is on Youtube where it almost certainly will soon be taken down. It is only 13 minutes and in it, Jodi O’Malley, RN details what is happening at an Indian Health Services small hospital. The second video is 1:05, and I have only had the chance to skim it so far, but I suspect it might be pretty compelling to some who struggle to reconcile the fact that so many medical providers tend to substantiate the mainstream story. There are clips of Deborah Conrad, PA speaking with the medical director of the hospital and being told not to file VAERS reports on any of the patients except the ones she is taking care of. She also reports that we are systematically mischaracterizing hospital patients as unvaccinated.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ky0SnRfzBns

https://thehighwire.com/videos/these-patients-deserve-to-be-heard-vaers-whistleblower/

We have an unhealthy information ecosystem. My family, friends and anyone who is not searching for alternative views on public health, is pummelled by one-sided messaging from the mainstream media that seems unquestionable. For those who are interested in what the vaccine hesitant side has to say about the news of the week, there is a conversation with Mary and Polly that usually comes out on Thursdays that is worth listening to. This week’s was especially good, and the most important part is the first 10 minutes if the whole hour is too much.

https://childrenshealthdefense.org/defender/mary-polly-biden-pivots-war-on-unvaccinated/

What is my reason for still not receiving the vaccine? And how do I describe it to friends, co-workers, family and others who don’t understand?

I am preoccupied with doing the right thing. It is uncomfortable to be out of step with 95% of the medical providers at my clinic. It sucks that the president, the media and everyone else who are also trying to do the right thing, are currently villainizing the unvaccinated like me.

I have been concerned that this new medical technology might have more risks than are being publicly acknowledged. I know there is a public health bias in messaging that might downplay side effects. When considering the VAERS database, I have listened to Dr. Peter McCullough describe the magnitude of adverse events that he believes should shut down the program. This is obviously at odds with mainstream public health officials, and I privately have been sorting and weighing claims from independent experts and analysts against the judgement of experts affiliated with authoritative institutions.

These risks have been weighed against the risks I perceive from the virus to myself, as a 34 year old with healthy weight and no medical problems. This risk-based assessment has been missing from mainstream messaging that has focused exclusively on the yes/no binary of vaccination.

Recently, comments from both the President in his address on Thursday 9/9, and from Anthony Fauci, indicate willingness to mandate or force this vaccine onto those who so far have been unwilling to voluntarily receive it. While anger and frustration with the unvaccinated is high, and the compassion for us is limited, this recent messaging is an alarming violation of human rights. There is not a public health justification for people to lose the right to decide what goes into their bodies. I think of all the exceptional cases that are being ignored with the universal mandate, and it is clear to me that this is not right.

We could discuss early treatment, free speech and censorship, manipulation of the data, the economic impact of our COVID response and other topics that all contribute to the creation of a widely believed worldview that I suspect doesn’t hold up to thorough evaluation. There has been a mass psychological operation underway, and that has been necessary for doctors, journalists, political leaders and everyone else to participate and comply with rules and orders that don’t make sense, and are not in our collective best interest.

That last paragraph is spicy, and with many of my relations, I think sharing that view will deepen the rift and cause them to dismiss what else I have to say, and grow more defensive of the propagandized worldview that labels critical thinking and investigative research as delusional “conspiracy theories.” I share it here on this blog, for those who are open to considering such a possibility.